Something to Do With My Hands
by starshwer
Summary: A oneshot alternate universe kind of idea. What if Casino Night was not the first time? Jam. Pam Ooc.


A/N: This is kind of the alternate universe. What if Casino Night was not the first time Pam and Jim had kissed? What if they were having an fling right under Roy's nose?

Disclaimer: I own nothing here but the twist on the Jam plot. Song is Something to Do With My Hands by Her Space Holiday. I don't own it either.

**Something To Do With My Hands**

_**You know it kills me to see such a pretty girl so tired  
You've got your mother's cheekbones and your father's crooked smile**_

Jim looks up at her desk. She is simply staring at her desk, her eyes heavy-lidded and tired. He knows she had a fight with Roy last night. She called his house at 1 a.m. in tears.

She looks so much like her mom. He was surprised when her mom came to the office. The two women could have been sisters.

_**Forget all those places that you've never really been  
And all those situations you somehow found yourself in**_

She comes and perches on the edge of his desk with a sigh. He looks up at her, compassion on his face.

"Just forget about it Pam. You know he doesn't mean what he says when he gets drunk."

"But he still said it. That's got to mean something."

"He loves you."

"But he said he didn't know why we were still together."  
"You love him."

"I suppose."

"You belong together."  
"Right." She walks back to her desk. Jim watches her go, feeling slightly unfulfilled.

_**Let your body sink into me  
Like your favorite memory  
Like a line of poetry  
Or a fing fit of honesty**_

At his apartment that night their bodies come together silently. His mouth covers hers as she peels his shirt off his shoulders, running her hands down his chest. He thinks back to the first time this happened. She had come over because Roy was drunk and angry again. What had started out as a simple hug and cuddle on the couch had progressed into something dangerously more serious that night. It was still her favorite thing to reminisce about. She would compare them to poetry. He thought perhaps she came to him still because he was always honest. He always told her how he felt, not just when alcohol had loosened his tongue.

_**I'll do my best to keep you, keep you sleepy as the south**_

She laid against his chest, fast asleep; her red hair clinging damply to his bare chest. This was the way it was now. Pam would come over, they would have sex, she would fall asleep on him, and he would wake her up a few hours before work so she could go back to her apartment to get ready for work. It was just sex, and only when Roy was away.

_**With my old watch on your wrist**_

She had complained about her watch breaking and never having time to buy a new one. When she spotted his old watch on his bedside table she had picked it up, turning the worn leather band over in her fingers.

"You can have it."

"No, I can't take your watch Jim."

"Really, I have a different one now. I always thought I'd switch back and forth, but you'd get better use out of it." He fastened the old leather around her small wrist, letting his fingers linger.

"I should go. Roy will be waiting for me."

"Yeah..."

_**And my thumbs inside your mouth  
Suck on my fingertips until you kill all my prints**_

She gently kissed his fingers. A shiver ran over his spine. "Pam." He whispered softly.

She pulled her mouth away for a second. "Yes?"

"We need to go back to work. We can't stay in the stairwell forever. Someone will come looking."

_**So your boyfriend has no clue  
Of how much I've been touching you**_

When Roy picked her up from work, he glanced at Jim standing next to her desk. "How's it going Halpert?"

"Fine."

The two men turn away from each other, one's face empty, the other's filled with guilt.

_**My problem with me is my problem with you  
It doesn't take much  
For me to come unglued**_

She knocks on his door late that night. When he opens it she slips in and shuts it behind her.

"Pam. We can't keep doing this."

"I need you Jim. I need you more than I've needed anyone."

"But it's not right." He protested weakly.

"Why does it feel so right then?" She slips the long coat off the reveal that she's wearing nothing underneath.

"Pam..." She places a finger on his lips.

"No. Just one last night."

_**I put my headphones on  
And hear your favorite songs  
And it kills me to know  
That this won't be one of them**_

He made her a CD for her birthday. He knows it's still under her desk. Every time he puts his headphones on and listens to "Pam's Mix" his heart breaks a little. All of their songs, every thing they listened to while they were together, brings back a memory. But he knows that it won't ever be her favorite CD.

_**You know it saves me to think even for a little while  
I owned the set of shoulders that you came to rely on  
Like in that movie theater when you whispered in my ear  
I almost didn't make it  
This has been my hardest year**_

He almost breaks it off so many times, he's lost count. Every time he tries, she convinces him not to. The thought that keeps him going, is that she can rely on him. A few times they manage to sneak away on dates together. Jim sits in the theater thinking that she finally got caught, that Roy changed his plans at the last second, and now he was watching "The Lakehouse" alone. Suddenly, a warm mouth whispers in his ear, "I almost didn't make it. You know, this has been my hardest year. I'm so glad you've been there for me Halpert."

_**Your job is killing you faster than a cancer could  
So now you're giving up like they always said you would**_

Michael has been especially horrible. Jim heard something about doing research on nude beaches.

He walks into the break room where she is sitting staring at the table, not touching her soda. As he sits down next to him, she murmurs, "I think I'm dying."

"You're not dying."

"I really think I am, Jim. Nude beaches. I'm doing research on nude beaches for him."

"Why?"  
"I didn't really ask. I don't want to know."

_**You've got that old map out now and you found the farthest town  
You hope that if you're lucky this is where you'll settle down**_

_**I don't care where you move I don't care if it's far  
All that I ask is that I know where you are**_

"Newport?"

"I've always wanted to see the Pacific Ocean."

"Why Newport?"  
"It looks pretty in the pictures. All of the beaches. The waves crashing against the shore..." She trailed away, lost in thought.

"Just so long as I can come visit you."

_**In case our timing is right  
In case you need more from me  
Than a bit of advice  
Or a tongue full of sympathy**_

He just about died after he transferred. He had never thought that moving so far away from her would be so hard. But he needed to get away. He needed to start over. Then came Karen, and he thought maybe he was moving past Pam. But the merger hit him like a punch in the gut.

_**You know it kills me to see such a pretty girl so tired  
You've got your mother's cheekbones and your father's crooked smile**_

She looked tired again. He had been back for less than two days, and she looked tired. He had seen a picture of her dad once. They had the same smile.

_**Forget all those places that you've never really been  
And all those situations you somehow found yourself in**_

He'd hoped that by breaking up with Roy, it meant she was moving on in her life, trying something new.

"I'm glad you're back Jim."

"It's good to be back."

"How's Karen adjusting?"  
"She's fine. Michael's making things interesting."

"I bet."

_**Let your body sink into me  
Like your favorite memory  
Like a line of poetry  
Or a fing fit of honesty**_

They had fallen back into an old pattern. The only difference was that it was now at her apartment. She still said they were like poetry, the way their bodies just seemed to fit together. The curve of her hip under his hand, the way her head fit under his chin.

_**I'll do my best to keep you, keep you sleepy as the south**_

He'd never understood the stress that she went through trying to keep their relationship a secret from Roy. But rather than sleeping like she had, he laid awake fretting, sure that Karen suspected something. And still Pam slept with her head on his chest, her legs twined through his.

_**With my old watch on your wrist**_

His fingers lingered on her wrist. She still wore his watch. Right now it was the only thing she was wearing, the band becoming more and more ragged.

_**And my thumbs inside your mouth  
Suck on my fingertips until you kill all my prints**_

In the stairwell again, they had tried to just talk about a prank, but had ended up in each other's arms again.

_**So my girlfriend has no clue  
Of how much I've been touching you**_

Karen exchanged the usual pleasantries with Pam when she walked in the office with Jim that morning. As Karen sat down at her desk and started to work, she glanced over and watched the look pass between Jim and Pam. Her forehead wrinkled a little. _Is it friendship, or something more?_ With a slight chuckle and shake of her head, she dismissed the thought as jealous girlfriend thoughts. _Like that would ever happen in a million years._

A/N: There you go! Review! (Just be nice)


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